The independent London newspaper

Heard the one about the placebo?

18 February, 2021

‘The doubters and shouters will change their tack to: ‘I told you so!”

• A SHOUTY person sits at the back of the 134.

The driver has locked all the windows and doesn’t understand why I want them open in such cold weather.

“It will only start arguments”, he insists.

The shouty man is regaling his captive audience with conspiracy theories about “the vaccine” and “the so-called pandemic”.

“I’ve warned my 80-year-old nanna not to have the injection and I advise you all the same!”

It’s far from the first time I have heard such nonsense.

It is a free country, of course, and the megaphone-wielding god-botherer standing on a box at the apex of Britannia Junction in Camden Town has an undeniable right to give me a headache and terrify the dog.

“Why do you think Boris Johnson is ordering everyone to wear masks?

“Think about it brothers and sisters. This is a plot to stop you attending the house of the Lord on Sunday…”

The doorbell rings. It is Joseph the boiler engineer. “Do you want me to wear the mask?” he asks.

“I’d really rather you did” I reply. “As you can see, I’m wearing mine. I’ve opened the back door and the window next to the boiler to encourage the flow of air.”

“No need for that”, he reassures me. “Let me put you at ease. There’s no danger from Covid, if that’s what’s worrying you.”

What luck! The man who has come to fix my boiler is also a world-class microbiologist.

As he replaces the heat exchanger, he generously imparts his wisdom on the “so-called world pandemic”.

It turns out the government have been lying to me. There is no such thing as Covid-19. It’s just the flu.

“You see, my friend, thousands of people die every year from the flu.

“The government are not telling you this. How can you explain the speed of this vaccine coming out all over the world?

“There is no vaccine, my friend, just a placebo to make the drug companies rich.

“They are trying to kill off the poor people…

“Trust me, my friend, by and by the world will heed my words”.

Thankfully, however, the infection rate in Camden is now the lowest in London.

So the hope must be that good practice exercised by the majority will eventually be sufficient to protect everyone – despite the foolishness of some.

The doubters and shouters, of course, will simply claim the victory, and change their tack to: “I told you so!”

Gloucester Crescent, NW1


Share this story

Post a comment