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Arsenal fans always know how it ends

OPINION: Sometimes it’s a day match, sometimes it’s a night match, but it’s still the same game, over and over again

19 September, 2019 — By Richard Osley

WHILE supporters of teams who didn’t lose to Crystal Palace and draw at home to Brighton last season were watching Champions League football this week, I had a night out in the West End watching Big: The Musical – based on the film Big.

As some singer who had won Strictly Come Dancing and the third-best looking one in Girls Aloud danced around making Tom Hanks look like an acting colossus for his portrayal of the boy-man in the original, it struck me how many classic movies of that age I know the general theme of but have no recollection of how they are resolved.

In Splash, does Darryl Hannah just swim off somewhere once 90 minutes are up? Does Kim Cattrall just stop being wooden in Mannequin? ET gets back somehow, doesn’t he? Can’t remember any of it, just the gist of them all, or a scene or two.

Of course, most people have used the term “Groundhog Day” at some stage in their lives, but, what, there’s an alarm clock that keeps going off and Bill Murray does a curmudgeonly face, like the one he did in Ghostbusters and Scrooged, and then there’s a bloke he wants to avoid and a girl he wants to date, it’s snowing maybe… and then, nope, it’s gone, he’s still stuck in the same day as far as I know.

There must have been an end, and if somebody does know how Groundhog Day ends, now is the time to make yourself known to the nearest steward. It could be of great use given anybody who watches Arsenal on a regular basis must now feel exactly like Murray’s character after the abject collapse at Watford on Sunday.

Sometimes it’s a day match, sometimes it’s a night match, but it’s still the same game, over and over again. Arsenal look bright, kick it about well, maybe score a goal or two, and then – Groundhog! – the defence turns to mush and the other team take over and draw or win the match.

My hunch is that Bill Murray escapes the never-ending day with some sort of cheesy life lesson, understanding that he can escape his hell if he could just be nice for once – or at least convince a woman to kiss him.

If only Arsenal could learn the error of their ways too, and BUY A CENTRE-BACK.


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